I was not surprised by the reaction I had to the precursor to this blog - Purge...ON Purpose! - it seemed to resonate. The United States is unique in many ways - one of which is the sheer amount of crap we hold onto. Beyond the stuff...it does speak to an "opportunity" we all have at managing it all...
In this blog, we'll pick up where we left off and discuss details about HOW to PURGE...ON PURPOSE! I am NOT going to focus on the TANGIBLE items...there are plenty of resources, advice blogs / columns on that already. My focus will be purging the INTANGIBLE items...
The INTANGIBLE items we collect...
Commitments to our time!
Remember what happens when we collect too much and CANNOT let go?
Inability to Concentrate
Diminished Mental Processing
Remember what happens when we CAN let go?
Ability to "Roll with It"!
Better Mental State!
Reduced body waste!
Improved sense of well-being!
Ability to concentrate!
Feel more creative!
HOW to PURGE...ON PURPOSE!
Disclaimer: I am NOT a licensed psychologist or counselor. I am a career / gift coach among the multiple professional hats I wear. I understand I am treading into dicey waters involving psychology, mental state, and mental outlook. Depending on what you would be best served to PURGE you may consider seeking outside / professional help. Psychologist? Counselor? Coach? Minister? SEE: The Power of a Coach...
With the disclaimer behind us...how?
You know it! What better way to go through the purging process than by following a proven three-step process - NAME! CLAIM! & AIM! Use this to help you identify what needs purging so you can maximize your own performance / outcomes!
Objective: Identify what you want / need to purge.
Start with YOUR "WHYering"!
Before naming the items to purge, it's important to identify YOUR "WHYering" - morals and values. What is important to you? What makes you tick? This is important since "how you filter your world" impacts "how you see your world".
As you reflect on your life, when were you feeling most fulfilled? Happy? What were you doing?
What makes you proudest about your life so far?
What are your top three values?
What would your "life slogan" be that reflects your values?
How do these values play in how you lead your life? Do you live them?
How do you own them?
How do you hold yourself accountable to them?
How would your life look if it were aligned with your values? Different than today? How?
SEE: The MOST Important Value?
Next - YOUR Wiring!
Or, another way to put it, "Identify your unique capabilities you consistently deliver without thinking."
Each of us is a thumbprint - we each are different combination of gifts, talents and strengths. No two people are the same - even among identical twins.
Understanding and having an appreciation for who YOU are is important since you should be AIMing those capabilities in a way that could provide exponential results.
I have a simple equation I like to apply: G X P = S. Translated, it looks like this: GIFTS X PASSION = STRENGTH. For more SEE: 5 Steps to Make Work...Not Work!
Name the Items to Purge!
The two biggest...
"Time stealers". Saying "I don't have time." sounds as though, somehow, you're a victim of something you can't change or control. You CAN take control of what steals your time. Find out where your time goes. Track your time or look at you calendar and analyze where is your time going.
Negative thoughts. Here are the big ones: Depression; Disappointment; Disharmony; Frustration; Regrets; and Resentment. We all have them. When you encounter them - accept them. Lean in on them. Think about WHY they are. Take some time to do some journaling about what you learned from whatever it is you are processing. Look for the patterns. The lessons.
Objective: Appreciate the power and opportunities you have to accept responsibility and move on!
Learn. You will start picking up patterns where your focus lies. Listen. Ask for feedback.
Express pain. It's OK to identify the items needing purging - the short-comings and to express your pain. Pain is personal! There are no two pains alike. Claim yours.
Own it. YOU will need to accept responsibility for what needs to be purged.
Recognize what is NOT meant to be. I always wanted to be a professional athlete. Was a finalist for a kids TV show (years ago). Had my heart broken. Got fired TWICE! When it was all said and done, I licked my wounds and moved on! There are too many opportunities to seep into - SEE water reference below.
Accept you did the best you could. I AM who I AM! YOU are who YOU are! Try your best. If it didn't work - know you did your best.
Make the decision to let "it" be. Not only is this a great song - Beatles - this sentiment will be a healer.
Objective: Intentionally identify specific actions to "purge" and accomplish goals, reach desired outcomes, and better respond to situations that happen every day.
Take a break. Allow yourself five minutes with the thought. Then take a break from focusing on it and move on with your day.
Forgive. It's counter-intuitive. You forgive to let people know you are moving on. You hold no grudge. As long as you do, it will be YOU who will suffer.
Have a funeral. Saying goodbye is therapeutic! It's OK to feel grief! Honor what you have been holding onto. Yet, you will need to say goodbye and move on.
Stop going back "there." Turn the page. There is a reason the WINSHIELD of our car is so much bigger than our rear-view mirror. We will make more progress looking forward instead of starring at the rear-view mirror.
Focus on your gifts / talents / strengths. The more you can practice focusing on your gifts / talents / strengths and not dwelling on your negative thoughts, the easier it will be to feel positive about yourself and the direction your life is taking.
Live in the present! Stop thinking about it! Lose track of time (flow). Move toward it rather than away from it (acceptance). Be OK with ambiguity!
Create a “re-do.” Put things in perspective...Change your frame of reference! Use this time to go deep! Determine what's the worst thing that could happen. Seek a second / third opinion. SEE: Pressing the Reset Button...
Challange. Whenever you have a negative thought, stop and evaluate whether it's accurate. Think about how you would respond if a friend spoke negatively. You would probably offer a good rebuttal to his or her negative view. Apply the same logic to your own thoughts.
Share. Do NOT keep hurts, disappointments, resentments buried. Share your thoughts / feelings with those in your circle! NAME! CLAIM! and AIM!
From victim to victor. One of my favorite quotes "Two prisoners stared out the prison bars, one saw mud, the other saw stars. Attitude is everything!" Dale
Carnegie It's all about perspective. Act in accordance with your morals and values. Use your morals and values to shape how you take action and move forward. Tackle the big ones. What's holding you back? What's causing you the most pain? What items purges - will have the most positive impact on you, your team, and your loved one's? Go for it!
Be like Water. Explore NEW venues! Fill the gaps that exist. Fill the void!
Plan your time! Pull myself away from things you do that aren't the best uses of your time and replace it with the priorities in your life - health, fitness and things of that sort. Ironically, by narrowing your focus and paying attention to the important parts of your life you didn't feel you had permission to focus - your energy level will go up. Your ability to bring the best of what you do to the things important to you is far better than and you will feel you can take a lot more on, in strange way, by doing less. Do the things you love. This is debatable and may stir a counter or two, yet, wouldn't you rather focus on what you love and delegate the rest?
Meet new opportunities / challenges / people.
Practice kindness & gratitude instead of rightness. Research shows that feeling grateful has a positive impact on your levels of positivity and happiness. Even when you are experiencing a challenging time in your life, you can usually find things (even small things) to be grateful.
Reconnect to spirit. How therapeutic it is to be able purge while "leaning in" on your faith. Chances are it will make the purge less stressful.
My best to your quest!
I believe each of us is a gift. I create trusted relationships where individuals, teams and leaders NAME, CLAIM and AIM their gifts to achieve optimum performance.
Interested to Learn About Yourself or Your Team? Mark is a Certified CliftonStrengths Coach, Facet5 and TotalSDI Facilitator and happy to discuss your situation.
SEE Summary List of Other Blogs!
About Mark Myette
I believe each of us is a gift. I create trusted
Based out Roam - Buckhead - 3365 Piedmont Rd NE, Suite 1400 (2nd Floor), Atlanta, GA 30305
Can meet at other Roam locations if appropriate: Alpharetta; Dunwoody; or Galleria